I was doing some thinking…well reflecting…over my previous employer while in the middle of a conversation with a dear friend of mines. She was talking about her job and a promotion she had recently received. While congratulations were most definitely in order as always, that old crypt keeping job finds a way to rear its ugly head in the midst of our dialogue. However, this was for the last time.
During the talk though I began to discuss how I always gave more than I should have at my old job. I became some disrespectful, sub par image at best of my true self. I dedicated more hours to the success of a multi-million dollar corporation and did not even see anything close to a million dollars. The president of one section of the company knew my name. I was called upon to help train hundreds of new employees for the startup of a new department. I often times came in early in the morning and left late at night. I was the go-to-person for everything no matter what it was because everyone knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I, and I alone, could and would always get the job done.
Everything in my life began to take a back burner to my job…
Job—something that has to be done; a specific duty, role or function
Career—a field for or pursuit of consecutive progressive achievement especially in public, professional, or business life; a profession for which one trains and which is undertaken as a permanent calling.
…everything took a back burner to my job…a j-o-b. I began to avoid phone calls from family because I was too annoyed, too tired, maybe even too depressed to move my lips let alone use my ears. Lateness became synonymous with my government name. I was late showing for any engagement that I had committed myself to. I would stay inside my apartment all day and never come out and if I had anything to do for myself like grocery shopping, I was late for that too. I dragged ass with everything that I did. If anyone asked me to do something, I would take forever to get to it and it eventually the people who I cared about began to feel neglected. I had nothing positive or happy to say and I pretty much didn’t want to talk about anything. My responses became terse to say the least.
And yet…I still gave a damn about my job. I still felt the need to go above and beyond to prove what? I was taken advantage of for my failure to cut the head off of ugly Medusa and put my New Orleans street degree in taxidermy to use for the Devil. Point blank, I cared too much about what the people at my job thought about me. I felt like I had something to prove and had to do the right thing although I hated that. I always said that I wanted to do the right thing because I believed that it was the right thing to do, not because it is the right thing to do.
The New Year came with no positive, self-fulfilling changes and that was the beginning of me taking over my life. I began to let my unhappiness spill over into the workplace…barely clocking in on time…leaving my house at the last minute…arriving to meetings without a notebook or a pen to name a few.
And I say all that to say this…while I was on the phone with my friend I began explaining how we, as human beings, get so caught up in doing the right thing for a job, a family member, or even a friend that we forget to do the right thing in terms of how God may view us. In the end, His viewpoint of our life will be on the only one that matters. We spend our time going above and beyond to win someone’s affection or to keep them in our lives when we should be doing all that and more for God. We fail to treat our relationship with Him like it is a priority. In the end, He is the only person that we need to love us. He will never fail to love us and show us with affection and let us know that He cares about us and give us recognition for being a faithful believer. He is all-knowing and all-seeing. He never offers us a promotion and then fails to put us in the position. He never calls on us to take on more than we can handle and He will never judge us for the mistakes we make. I’m not ostracized because I have put my foot down and decided to live my life a different way.
This is my rambling for the night.