Dear Little Miss Missy,
Learn not to let people use you—family, friends, co-workers/bosses, or even a man. Often times you get so caught up in being the person who knows everything or has her hand in everything that people begin to count on you to do everything.
It’s okay to offer your help now and then when the help is really and genuinely needed, but learn to be able to discern between the two—really needing the help and just being plain lazy. You are a perfectionist and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that…well there is on caveat…but we’ll save that for a later time.
Family—learn that just because you are the oldest does not mean that you should shoulder everything. At some point, people will have to realize that they will need to accept responsibility for their own actions. You need to learn early that you cannot save everyone. You’re not Catwoman or Wonder Woman. You’re just plain ole [insert government name here]. Stop trying to the barrier between a person and whatever bed they made. While it is okay to be there for your siblings and mother, etc, learn know that you cannot save everyone. God gives us all an internal system that gives us an inkling of a feeling, if not more, when something is amiss. You have to let people use their own wings…and if they fall learning to fly…well, that’s just a part of life. You get up and try to fly again. The point is that eventually they will learn their way…as long as you remember to pray for them.
Unfortunately, I have some sad news. The world is going to become a crazy place to live and life will be short. Learn how to develop an ear and a mind for God now.
Friends—everyone cannot be trusted. Period. Friends can sometimes be the ones that hurt you the most because you generally trust them and spend more time with them than you will your own family as you get older…especially during the teenage years. You’re a smart girl and you have a way with words. People will use that to ask you for help with homework or to actually do the work for them. Family and a man may try to pull this card too. Learn to put your foot firmly down and flat-out tell them “no.” While you like the praises they sing for the grades they get and to hear how wonderfully something was written, the fact remains that your name is not on it. You’re a ghost writer. Why do that when you can put your own name out there? Furthermore, you’re only enabling that person. They will never learn to stand on their own two feet because you’re their crutch. Get from under their arms already.
Co-workers/Bosses—thankfully, you won’t have a problem with bosses so much. You’re pretty much able to set the tone during the interview process and you’re pretty much headstrong so when you decide you have had enough…you’ll move your feet. However, learn ahead of time that your boss may be great, but their boss may be a pain in the rear. Learn not to let them use you by using a very powerful word. NO. N-O-. Let them know that you will come in and do your job, but that you are not doing salary work on hourly pay…in your case, “Director/Manager” work. Understand that your quality of life is more important than any job. Unless it is your career, they can step off. When you let employers use you, your unhappiness only leaks over into the parts of your life that are happy—the parts of your life where roses grew from concrete. If you let that happen, your job and the associates become some pharmaceutical drug that was supposed to cure one thing and then has drastic, unwanted side effects on everything else. It’s so not worth it.
Man—eventually, there comes a time in every person’s life where the significant other attempts to use them. Recognize the signs early. A man should never expect something of you that he wouldn’t expect his mother to do for another man. Men, as the world gets older, become what others refer to as “losers.” They expect a woman to take care of them or in even more prevalent cases, be a ruse for the buffoonery that he really delights engaging in. Either way…never let a man use you. When you’re older, we’ll discuss this in more detail.
Until we write again,